Beyond the Gate

How fucked up is this?

2006-12-02T05:15:55Z

A man goes to Africa on a safari and while he’s exploring the savannah, he comes upon an elephant in great pain; it has a giant thorn in its foot. The man very carefully approaches the elephant, waiting for it to see that he only wants to help. When he decides that it’s safe, he walks over and gingerly removes the thorn from the elephant’s foot. The elephant gazes at him meaningfully for a long moment, seeming to silently thank the man for helping him. Then the elephant turns and walks away.
Suddenly, the man remembers the old saying: “Elephants never forget.”

‘I wonder if that elephant will remember me?’ the man muses to himself before heading back to the jeep full of tourists.

Several years later, the man is back home and attending a circus carnival and he notices that one of the elephants keeps staring at him every time he passes by. It almost seems to know him. The elephant seems so sad about being locked in a cage, and as the man locks eyes with the animal, he gets an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. Then he remembers…

‘Could this be the elephant I saved all those years ago?’

He decides to get a closer look.

With the elephant still staring at him desperately, he approaches the cage. After a few minutes of deliberation, he thinks that it is indeed the elephant he helped a long time ago and decides to help it escape from its awful prison. He manages to squeeze through the bars, and the elephant continues to watch him as he does so.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here,” the man assures the elephant, smiling. The elephant still keeps its eyes on the man as it brings its trunk to curl around his body. Slowly, the elephant picks the man up and…

…SMASHES HIM TO THE GROUND, STOMPING HIM TO DEATH.

…

Yep, you guessed it: wrong elephant.

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-10-08T14:19:00

2006-10-08T21:23:03Z

Now I'm getting addicted to MySpace.
Exactly one reason why I didn't want one. I'd be on it all the time.
Oh well, I've been going around school asking friends for theirs.
But since I didn't write them down, I forgot. ._. *head+desk*

I missed school on Friday too!
But now I think it's not such a good idea.
I forgot I had atleast two tests at school that day.
Which now I have to make up, but I don't want to.
I hate going before or after school for makeup work.
Either because I'm too lazy, hate it, or frankly don't care for it.

Knowing my mom, she'll yell at me until I'll remember.

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-10-04T17:52:00

2006-10-05T00:52:49Z

Guess who's back?

Well, lately, I've been super happy!
I've been going over to friends' houses again.
And once I went to Chloe's a few days ago. (Friday)
Morgan was there, and we went on the computer.
They made me get a MySpace! It's okay, I guess.
Mostly people from school are on there.

And then on Sunday, Morgan called me over again.
She said there was a partay! Haha.
Morga, Chloe, Aaron, Jack, Zack, and me were there!
Wasn't really a party, we just messed around outside.

I got tons of hugs from Zack! Hooray.
But later Sunday night, I felt all sick until Tuesday morning. =/

NOT DONE YET.

Monday, I get to school.
Meet Zack, Chloe, and Colin there.
Zack gives me another hug, hooray! =)
Then I go up to Cheyenne, Abbie, and MOrgan.
Morgan tells me Zack is going to ask me out.
Of course, knowing how mean she could be, I thought she was lying.
Big time.
Especially since the day before, she asked if I liked Zack... I gave no reply.

Sooo, at lunch time, Chloe and Colin come up to me.
They ask if I would like to go out with Zack.
I said, 'Okay' about 4 times before they left. >.<

Welll, after school, I believe Zack (?) called me over.
So Aaron, Chloe, and Colin were there again.
After Chloe's brother left the house, we went to the park across the neighborhood.
It was fun, too. Found some tennis balls, but lost those. =(

Then we go to the Soccer Fields. Which are empty.
Since Soccer Practices don't start until later.
Anyway, after halfway through the fields, Zack talks to me. (some more)
Asking if I really said yes to going out with him.
Since I'm so shy, it took me a while to get it out, and say yes again.
After, we hugged again.

After, we all went to the park, and played.
When it was around 6 something, we started heading back home.
Since Chloe had bandannas, she tied herself to Colin with one. *they're going out* :O
And then she gave me and Zack one.
It was kinda hard though, since it kept coming undone a few times. Oh well.

We got home, untied the bandannas.
Gave Zack a last hug for the day, and he asked to walk me home.
But my dad was driving up to the house and saw.
My parents don't know, nor will they ever.
My mom seriously told me a few days ago she'll beat me if she finds out I have a boyfriend. D:

Oh well. I like Zack alot.
It wouldn't matter if I get beat for it.

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-09-17T16:44:00

2006-09-17T23:44:53Z

Well, schools been fine, I guess.
Nothing much has changed. I still stress out over it, too much homework. And I still hate Gym. One of the worst classes ever. Considering I have no athletic ability, why even try it? No point. But besides, I still have most friends from last year. Haven't really made any new ones. Except for Kian, a boy. He's alright I guess, but he's afraid of me. Since my voice sounds like his ex-girlfiends voice. Haha.

My scheduel isn't too great. Because now I know what Publications is:

1st hour: Choir
2nd hour: Accelerated Language Arts
3rd hour: Science
Lunch Time, too early.
4th hour: Geography
5th hour: Accelerated Math/Algebra
6th hour: P.E.
7th hour: Publications

The three things I don't like are:
1. Lunch is too early. 2.P.E. is just horrible. 3.And Publications is a writing class for only the newspaper. I like writing, but for a newspaper... Going around, interviewing people, asking questions... Not only is it boring, but I wouldn't like to talk to people. Luckily, I don't have to. Considering I have to ride the bus still, I wouldn't have the time to do such things. HAHA, take that. My only excuse.

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-08-24T17:40:00

2006-08-25T00:48:39Z

Next week, school starst. Gah, I'm already stressing about it.
Since I got my class list last week, I thought it was all fine.
Until I saw that they gave me one wrong class. Very wrong.
I only signed up for Choir, Art, and Computers. And they said that's all they could give me. Nothing else.
But nooo, they gave me publications. What the hell is that anyway?
I think it was the SCHOOL NEWSPAPER last time I heard about it. Oh no. Hell no.
They even said I had to sign up for that by myself if I wanted it, and I didn't. GOD DAMMIT!!
So when my parents & I have to go up to the school on Saturday, hopefully I can get it changed.
If not, then half of my school year is already fucked up. Just what I didn't need.
I think that's all I'm pissed about, for now.

Actually, no. I have a slight cold. From my god-sister.
She's only 2 though, and has a chest cold, I believe. Poor thing.

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-07-26T20:26:00

2006-07-27T03:28:41Z

Well, my summer is going by too fast.
Two months have already gone, only 1 left.
And I have barely done anything. Thank you, laziness. =)
I even have writers block, too. No poetry, gah.

Plus, I haven't even talked to one of my friends since summer.
What's the big deal anyway? They probably wouldn't care.
Plus, we may not even be friends next year. New schools and all.
I've become uncaring lately, not sure if that's good or bad.

Either way, right now, I'm tired. I might just go play KH2 some more, then bed.

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-05-25T20:45:00

2006-05-26T03:48:04Z

Yeah, my journal's dead. DEAD I SAY.

That's because I have all these projects and exams to study for at the end of the year.
Which is kind of fucked, it's like the pile EVERYTHING for the end.
How nice of them. Ha.

Sooo, since there is only 11 days left of school, I can start using this again.
And the rest of things I have on the internet.
Unless I keep falling asleep from being tired so much. Eh.

Rememberance {Poem}

2006-05-03T01:10:24Z

Faded memories are slowly recurring
Trembling in the dark, thin threads
Knitting together a web of those forgotten
I need to see these things for myself

A worried heart has the same things repeating,
On those nights of distorted dreams.
Answers to those voices ringing inside.
Unending in sleep, they have no truth.

Afraid of what lies ahead, in an instant.
Shadows appear, then are gone.
Are these just images I wish to see?
It pains to see those hidden desires.

Past time smiles are painted.
In the existance of time, they remain.
But in one's thoughts of old,
I question if it really were there.

Rain ripples the river, revealing blurry faces
Teaching things probably unknown.
As strong as those affectionate words heard.
Quietly, my past repeats what I've hidden.

♥

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-04-27T09:20:00

2006-04-27T16:17:30Z

(+Without You+)

I can't even speak your name without feeling pain
Even all those joyful memories don't make me smile
How I can I love you if you're not there?
My hearts wants you here by my side.
It makes me feel sorrow and wonder for why you left me.
No tears are worth what you left behind.
Nothing could compare to your near presence.
All alone, it seems you don't care for me.
And it saddnens me to know your thoughts.
The word 'love' has no longer meaning to me without you.
Possibilities to love again are thin, after what you did.
I want to forget you so I won't remember the pain you've caused.
You still haunt my dreams, which I can not stop.
It even hurts to know I've forgotten the sound of your voice.
Your face slowly slips from my reality.
Truly, it is hard for me not to think of you, even if it pains me.
Like my sole being runs on my thoughts of you.
Though I wish that they didn't, but deep down...
I know that I need you to live.

```````````````

{= I Remember =}

How could such a good person turn to malice?
It truly is a sad ending for such as one.
As I remember how you used to be...
This is nothing at all like the one I knew.

Did I do such a thing to the one I loved?
If so, I wish I had not hing to do with you.
Should have known I ruin those once pure.
I destroy things that mean so much to myself.

Without You / I Remember

2006-04-27T16:16:13Z

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-04-22T00:27:00

2006-04-22T07:33:18Z

Love Potion

Awesome. I love it. ♥ :D

...And that's about it. o.o

False

2006-04-16T05:13:27Z

I sit here.

Where are you?

It seems I've been waiting forever.

You aren't coming back...

False promises you made to me.

"I'll be here for you."

I should have known you lied.

Was the love even real?

It's truly funny to me...

Everything was just a joke.

You made me happy, and made me feel real.

Too bad it didn't last.

Then disappeared, and now I am nothing.

"I... I love you."

I loved you, too... I wish I still didn't.

You just wanted to play with my heart, didn't you?

No one like me deserves to be happy.

Poems and Feelings

2006-04-08T00:37:48Z

{~Eternity~}

Clouded eyes, behind an empty heart.
Filled with mourning, sadness, and lonliness...
These words can not be spoken to a soul.
Or even through emotions, they're not here.

Tears fall in the dark, disappearing, gone.
Blood on a blade, no one can know, never.
If every drop of blood, or tears,
Could see, count when I am real...

It would be,
Eternity

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

=\You don't love me/=

I'm going crazy, delusional,
I'm crying, wanting you.
But you don't want me.
I am nothing to you anymore.

All those words of love,
That you said to me, promised,
It was all a huge lie.
Now all you want to do,
Is forget me, and everything...
All that we shared together.
Knowing I am no one, not human.

I'm going nowhere, anywhere.
I'm saddened, thinking of you.
Though you don't think of me.
I am now avoided, ignored.

All those words of love,
They couldn't really be true.
If they were anything of real,
You wouldn't be doing what you do.
If you really loved me,
You would want to still see me.
All of it, what it was...

Seemed to be a huge lie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(-Untitled-)

Disappearing...
Into the light, enveloped.
You are going away
Leaving, leaving me.
I don't want you to
Barely, your presence...
Slowly, no longer.
Accepting this fate,
I look into your eyes,
I whisper one last time...
"I love you,"

+Owari+

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am currently sick...
I guess it's from the constantly changing weather.
For one day it will be 80 degrees, then into the 60's again.
Also all that dust in my room kind of doesn't help.
I hate having Tonsillitis. Hopefully, I won't have it again.
If so, I will have to have my tonsils removed. Oh joy. :D

Death {Poem}

2006-03-29T04:00:14Z

Every living creature...
Living soul, life, and love.
Will eventually die
Everything
Will disappear from here
No longer
But reasons are...
All is unknown
None mattering of who or what
These sins and crimes
Or happiness and sadness
Does it matter?
Yes... no...
Everything
Will face Death
Living souls, life, and love
Every living creature...

Can die.

=+Owari+=

Just Like You (Song//Poem)

2006-03-21T01:42:44Z

I just wanted to exist like you.
And live just like everyone else.
Why do I have to seem so different?
Sweet words can not comfort me.
No, no.. Not this time around.

The world goes on, like everyday.
I stand still, looking out on people.
Why can they not see me here?
This does not make me feel alright.
Hm, yet... nothing ever seemed to.

Why can't I just be just like someone else?
I'm tired of being so different, it's so hard...

I want to know what's it's like outside.
And leave these emotional barriers behind.
It shouldn't be hard too hard, can it?
Even if it doesn't really help,
Oh, oh... I need to feel something else.

Everything shows it's beauty, it's nature.
Seeing it be, it kind of hurts.
It seems I can't show my beauty, why not?
Needing to express something of my own.
Mm, mm... I have to break through.

Why can't I just be like someone else?
I'm tired of being me... yet no one can know.

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-03-18T20:09:00

2006-03-19T04:17:01Z

I have never done this before, but I'm up for it right now:

You scored as metal.

</td>

metal

90%

Emo

65%

Pop Punk

50%

Indie

50%

mainstream rock

40%

Punk

40%

classic rock

40%

grunge

30%

industrial

20%

rap

15%

country

Pop

reggae

ska

what breed of music are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

This makes me proud of my music collection. *nods*

And since I have no religion at all...:

You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.

</td>

Satanism

100%

Buddhism

83%

atheism

63%

agnosticism

50%

Paganism

42%

Judaism

42%

Hinduism

38%

Islam

25%

Christianity

13%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Yaaaaay. o.o

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-03-11T10:02:00

2006-03-11T18:04:01Z

*Maybe over time...
We'll meet and be
Until, I'll pretend to be fine.
Maybe we can see.
That you may be mine...

In the far distance away,
I stare ahead; wondering thoughts.
Air breezes, beauty continues to lay.
None to rest, many more doubts.

Though I may be lost,
Even out of my mind.
You are worth the cost.
Until then, I'll find.

*Maybe over time...
We'll meet and be
Until, I'll pretend to be fine.
Maybe we can see.
That you may be mine...

{+Escape+} -Song-

2006-03-09T03:32:42Z

She runs, trying to find everything.
What is the truth, and the lies.
For something that may not be found.
She wants to find herself once more.

Go through the door to see...
Where innocence and peace lies.
Within the forbidden garden...
All answers could exist.

Inside herself, emptiness continues to grow.
Where all feelings seem to numb.
There may be nothing to replace it.
Giving herself more reason to escape.

{ Slowly giving away ~
~ Existance no longer. }

Go through the door to see...
Where innocence and peace lies.
Within the forbidden garden...
All answers could exist.

Darkness in the allyway, shadows passing
Going by, she runs faster to the light.
Bust through the door to a new life.
Now she is free to escape forever.

Torn Inbetween {Short Poem}

2006-03-08T04:19:40Z

The curtains flow in the wind silently
In the nights I dreamt of your return
I stare endlessly at the one thing you left
Soon enough, things go black, I see an image
I see your smiling face once more, but then...
Reality reclaims me, no more memories
You left me alone with nothing more
Tears cascade down without a second thought
I embrace the tattered rose closely
I just wanted to be with you...

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-02-23T17:53:00

2006-02-24T01:59:59Z

*I just wish that
I didn't feel like there was
Something I missed...
And I take back all the things
I said to make you feel like that
And I just wish that
I didn't feel like there was
Something I missed
And I take back all the things
I said to you...

I would give it all away,
Just to show how much I really feel
I would do it if I truly could,
Though it's very hard to change myself.

+All alone, this is me pretending
Pretending to be the person you want.
Another thing to make you feel better.
All alone, this isn't where I can be...

*I just wish that
I didn't feel like there was
Something I missed...
And I take back all the things
I said to make you feel like that
And I just wish that
I didn't feel like there was
Something I missed
And I take back all the things
I said to you...

I would change all of this,
Just to see how it would be now.
I would honestly do everything if I could,
Even if it's clearly impossible...

Is there a place where you can be real?
Where you can take all of this away?
Anywhere to be myself again.
This isn't where I can express who I...

+All alone, this is me pretending
Pretending to be the person you want.
Another thing to make you feel better.
All alone, this isn't where I can be...

xdeep_sorrowx @ 2006-02-19T14:13:00

2006-02-19T22:15:54Z

Over the darkened horizon,
A small light shines within.
Deep inside everyone's heart,
It's still all the same.
A normal everyday person,
May be different than you know.
Even more than you can compute,
We truly don't know ourselves.
Farther in the forgotten forest,
So much that is never known.
Quietly, our lives are destroyed.
Over time, we all go back.

Releasing Your Pain

2006-01-29T21:54:25Z

A blood stained floor

With pain written all over.

"Make it go away..."

A body falls

Disappearing from existance.

Another one gone

More life dead

Due to the count of suicide.

A never-ending cycle

With many new victims

Everyday, no knowing.

"Make it go away..."

With pain written all over.

A blood covered body

Tomodomoni {Song}

2006-01-22T02:47:53Z

I miss having you by my side, since you have gone.
All the days pass, like nothing has gone wrong.
Though I know, deep down, that your still with me.
But others don't believe like I do... that you're here.

I need to see your face on last time, before I have gone.
Before I pass these days like nothing is wrong.
Hopefully, I'm still with you, too. At least...
But you probably don't believe... that I'm there.

I'm with you. I can feel your pain and sorrow.
Somewhere within me, I know it's true.
{Am I with you? Can you feel me with you?}
Though I don't know... It will all be...

I miss those days we would be close in the cold.
All this time has passed, nothing new happens.
Though I know, deep down, memories live on.
But some do not know that... and don't look inside.

I can see you in my mind, in my thoughts of lonliness.
Though somewhere, it may not be true.
{Can I be with you? Can you see me with you?}
Somewhere into the light, I can see this.
Though I don't know... It may all be.

{I can feel your pain and sorrow....
Somewhere.... we're together. }

I can see you in my mind, in my thoughts of lonliness.
Though somewhere, it may not be true.
{Can I be with you? Can you see me with you?}
Somewhere into the light, I can see this.
Though I don't know... It may all be....

It'll all be over soon...

.....I don't know

2006-01-02T06:23:45Z

I think my Journal died for a veeeery loooong time. Not like anyone cares though, so whatever. The holidays went very well, once again... I don't care. For Christmas I got Dvd's, Cd's, and an iPod. Super... Yesterday I bought 4 manga books, and a new Marilyn Manson Cd with a Movie Soundtrack. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... It's odd I got addicted to that movie at all, actually. Which is sad... yeah. I even forgot that yesterday was New Years Eve, for fuck's sake. I swear I am getting really slow now adays. I forget things alot easier, as well. I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Well, I guess no one will truly ever know, then.

Mm-hmm, life's just super. Especially considering I had to do a class project OVER my Winter break. Since I can be a super procrastinator, I waited almost 1 and a half weeks out of 2 to actually start on it. Jesus, I hate school. I dread going back in the next 2 days. Also since, about a week afterwards, I start mid-term exams. Super. And I know how I forget things over vacations, no matter how small they are. So I may be royally screwed, or not. I forgot how I did last year, so it all depends. But I have gotten lazier and such, so meh. And I better stop giggling insanely when nothing is funny before I go back to school, or else everyone will think I'm more messed up.

Nothing Left Of Me

2005-12-18T00:27:39Z

You said it was alright to be afraid,
and you would be there for me.
Now I am scared...
And it doesn't feel alright.

*Now where are you?
Where is your promise waiting to be kept?
I should have never believed in
you in the first place.

You said to trust you,
because you would always be in my heart.
But I feel empty inside,
there is nothing there at all.

Now where has my heart gone?
Where does it hold in your mind?
I should have never given
myself into you at all.

Leave me be, leave me alone,
I have no place for you any longer.
Since you've let me down, after all this time.
You can't have anymore of me.

*Now where are you?
Where is your promise waiting to be kept?
I should have never believed in
you in the first place.

{A/N: Hm... Yeah, I do not understand this song at all, and it is very short. I wonder what got me to write it. I just started writing down the words. Oh, well. Atleast it's decent.}