| How fucked up is this? |
[01 Dec 2006|09:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Now I'm amused, no longer sad. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Like You - Evanescence |
] |
A man goes to Africa on a safari and while he’s exploring the savannah, he comes upon an elephant in great pain; it has a giant thorn in its foot. The man very carefully approaches the elephant, waiting for it to see that he only wants to help. When he decides that it’s safe, he walks over and gingerly removes the thorn from the elephant’s foot. The elephant gazes at him meaningfully for a long moment, seeming to silently thank the man for helping him. Then the elephant turns and walks away.
Suddenly, the man remembers the old saying: “Elephants never forget.”
‘I wonder if that elephant will remember me?’ the man muses to himself before heading back to the jeep full of tourists.
Several years later, the man is back home and attending a circus carnival and he notices that one of the elephants keeps staring at him every time he passes by. It almost seems to know him. The elephant seems so sad about being locked in a cage, and as the man locks eyes with the animal, he gets an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. Then he remembers…
‘Could this be the elephant I saved all those years ago?’
He decides to get a closer look.
With the elephant still staring at him desperately, he approaches the cage. After a few minutes of deliberation, he thinks that it is indeed the elephant he helped a long time ago and decides to help it escape from its awful prison. He manages to squeeze through the bars, and the elephant continues to watch him as he does so.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here,” the man assures the elephant, smiling. The elephant still keeps its eyes on the man as it brings its trunk to curl around his body. Slowly, the elephant picks the man up and…
…SMASHES HIM TO THE GROUND, STOMPING HIM TO DEATH.
…
Yep, you guessed it: wrong elephant.
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[08 Oct 2006|02:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Erm... dunno. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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30 Seconds To Mars - The Fantasy |
] |
Now I'm getting addicted to MySpace.
Exactly one reason why I didn't want one. I'd be on it all the time.
Oh well, I've been going around school asking friends for theirs.
But since I didn't write them down, I forgot. ._. *head+desk*
I missed school on Friday too!
But now I think it's not such a good idea.
I forgot I had atleast two tests at school that day.
Which now I have to make up, but I don't want to.
I hate going before or after school for makeup work.
Either because I'm too lazy, hate it, or frankly don't care for it.
Knowing my mom, she'll yell at me until I'll remember.
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[04 Oct 2006|05:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Happy, yet shy. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Reunion - John Williams |
] |
Guess who's back?
Well, lately, I've been super happy!
I've been going over to friends' houses again.
And once I went to Chloe's a few days ago. (Friday)
Morgan was there, and we went on the computer.
They made me get a MySpace! It's okay, I guess.
Mostly people from school are on there.
And then on Sunday, Morgan called me over again.
She said there was a partay! Haha.
Morga, Chloe, Aaron, Jack, Zack, and me were there!
Wasn't really a party, we just messed around outside.
I got tons of hugs from Zack! Hooray.
But later Sunday night, I felt all sick until Tuesday morning. =/
NOT DONE YET.
Monday, I get to school.
Meet Zack, Chloe, and Colin there.
Zack gives me another hug, hooray! =)
Then I go up to Cheyenne, Abbie, and MOrgan.
Morgan tells me Zack is going to ask me out.
Of course, knowing how mean she could be, I thought she was lying.
Big time.
Especially since the day before, she asked if I liked Zack... I gave no reply.
Sooo, at lunch time, Chloe and Colin come up to me.
They ask if I would like to go out with Zack.
I said, 'Okay' about 4 times before they left. >.<
Welll, after school, I believe Zack (?) called me over.
So Aaron, Chloe, and Colin were there again.
After Chloe's brother left the house, we went to the park across the neighborhood.
It was fun, too. Found some tennis balls, but lost those. =(
Then we go to the Soccer Fields. Which are empty.
Since Soccer Practices don't start until later.
Anyway, after halfway through the fields, Zack talks to me. (some more)
Asking if I really said yes to going out with him.
Since I'm so shy, it took me a while to get it out, and say yes again.
After, we hugged again.
After, we all went to the park, and played.
When it was around 6 something, we started heading back home.
Since Chloe had bandannas, she tied herself to Colin with one. *they're going out* :O
And then she gave me and Zack one.
It was kinda hard though, since it kept coming undone a few times. Oh well.
We got home, untied the bandannas.
Gave Zack a last hug for the day, and he asked to walk me home.
But my dad was driving up to the house and saw.
My parents don't know, nor will they ever.
My mom seriously told me a few days ago she'll beat me if she finds out I have a boyfriend. D:
Oh well. I like Zack alot.
It wouldn't matter if I get beat for it.
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[17 Sep 2006|04:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Not too good. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Dearest (Piano Version) - Ayumi Hamasaki |
] |
Well, schools been fine, I guess.
Nothing much has changed. I still stress out over it, too much homework. And I still hate Gym. One of the worst classes ever. Considering I have no athletic ability, why even try it? No point. But besides, I still have most friends from last year. Haven't really made any new ones. Except for Kian, a boy. He's alright I guess, but he's afraid of me. Since my voice sounds like his ex-girlfiends voice. Haha.
My scheduel isn't too great. Because now I know what Publications is:
1st hour: Choir
2nd hour: Accelerated Language Arts
3rd hour: Science
Lunch Time, too early.
4th hour: Geography
5th hour: Accelerated Math/Algebra
6th hour: P.E.
7th hour: Publications
The three things I don't like are:
1. Lunch is too early. 2.P.E. is just horrible. 3.And Publications is a writing class for only the newspaper. I like writing, but for a newspaper... Going around, interviewing people, asking questions... Not only is it boring, but I wouldn't like to talk to people. Luckily, I don't have to. Considering I have to ride the bus still, I wouldn't have the time to do such things. HAHA, take that. My only excuse.
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[24 Aug 2006|05:40pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Field of Innocence - Evanescence |
] |
Next week, school starst. Gah, I'm already stressing about it.
Since I got my class list last week, I thought it was all fine.
Until I saw that they gave me one wrong class. Very wrong.
I only signed up for Choir, Art, and Computers. And they said that's all they could give me. Nothing else.
But nooo, they gave me publications. What the hell is that anyway?
I think it was the SCHOOL NEWSPAPER last time I heard about it. Oh no. Hell no.
They even said I had to sign up for that by myself if I wanted it, and I didn't. GOD DAMMIT!!
So when my parents & I have to go up to the school on Saturday, hopefully I can get it changed.
If not, then half of my school year is already fucked up. Just what I didn't need.
I think that's all I'm pissed about, for now.
Actually, no. I have a slight cold. From my god-sister.
She's only 2 though, and has a chest cold, I believe. Poor thing.
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[26 Jul 2006|08:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Give Unto Me - Evanescence |
] |
Well, my summer is going by too fast.
Two months have already gone, only 1 left.
And I have barely done anything. Thank you, laziness. =)
I even have writers block, too. No poetry, gah.
Plus, I haven't even talked to one of my friends since summer.
What's the big deal anyway? They probably wouldn't care.
Plus, we may not even be friends next year. New schools and all.
I've become uncaring lately, not sure if that's good or bad.
Either way, right now, I'm tired. I might just go play KH2 some more, then bed.
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[25 May 2006|08:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Future - Gackt Camui |
] |
Yeah, my journal's dead. DEAD I SAY.
That's because I have all these projects and exams to study for at the end of the year.
Which is kind of fucked, it's like the pile EVERYTHING for the end.
How nice of them. Ha.
Sooo, since there is only 11 days left of school, I can start using this again.
And the rest of things I have on the internet.
Unless I keep falling asleep from being tired so much. Eh.
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| Rememberance {Poem} |
[03 May 2006|01:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
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Blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fragrance - Gackt Camui |
] |
Faded memories are slowly recurring
Trembling in the dark, thin threads
Knitting together a web of those forgotten
I need to see these things for myself
A worried heart has the same things repeating,
On those nights of distorted dreams.
Answers to those voices ringing inside.
Unending in sleep, they have no truth.
Afraid of what lies ahead, in an instant.
Shadows appear, then are gone.
Are these just images I wish to see?
It pains to see those hidden desires.
Past time smiles are painted.
In the existance of time, they remain.
But in one's thoughts of old,
I question if it really were there.
Rain ripples the river, revealing blurry faces
Teaching things probably unknown.
As strong as those affectionate words heard.
Quietly, my past repeats what I've hidden.
♥
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[27 Apr 2006|09:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
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I don't know. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Last Day On Earth - Marilyn Manson |
] |
(+Without You+)
I can't even speak your name without feeling pain
Even all those joyful memories don't make me smile
How I can I love you if you're not there?
My hearts wants you here by my side.
It makes me feel sorrow and wonder for why you left me.
No tears are worth what you left behind.
Nothing could compare to your near presence.
All alone, it seems you don't care for me.
And it saddnens me to know your thoughts.
The word 'love' has no longer meaning to me without you.
Possibilities to love again are thin, after what you did.
I want to forget you so I won't remember the pain you've caused.
You still haunt my dreams, which I can not stop.
It even hurts to know I've forgotten the sound of your voice.
Your face slowly slips from my reality.
Truly, it is hard for me not to think of you, even if it pains me.
Like my sole being runs on my thoughts of you.
Though I wish that they didn't, but deep down...
I know that I need you to live.
```````````````
{= I Remember =}
How could such a good person turn to malice?
It truly is a sad ending for such as one.
As I remember how you used to be...
This is nothing at all like the one I knew.
Did I do such a thing to the one I loved?
If so, I wish I had not hing to do with you.
Should have known I ruin those once pure.
I destroy things that mean so much to myself.
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| False |
[15 Apr 2006|10:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Missing You - Yoko Shimomura |
] |
I sit here.
Where are you?
It seems I've been waiting forever.
You aren't coming back...
False promises you made to me.
"I'll be here for you."
I should have known you lied.
Was the love even real?
It's truly funny to me...
Everything was just a joke.
You made me happy, and made me feel real.
Too bad it didn't last.
Then disappeared, and now I am nothing.
"I... I love you."
I loved you, too... I wish I still didn't.
You just wanted to play with my heart, didn't you?
No one like me deserves to be happy.
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| Poems and Feelings |
[07 Apr 2006|05:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Sick/Tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Greedy Fly - Bush |
] |
(-Untitled-)
Disappearing...
Into the light, enveloped.
You are going away
Leaving, leaving me.
I don't want you to
Barely, your presence...
Slowly, no longer.
Accepting this fate,
I look into your eyes,
I whisper one last time...
"I love you,"
+Owari+
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am currently sick...
I guess it's from the constantly changing weather.
For one day it will be 80 degrees, then into the 60's again.
Also all that dust in my room kind of doesn't help.
I hate having Tonsillitis. Hopefully, I won't have it again.
If so, I will have to have my tonsils removed. Oh joy. :D
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[18 Mar 2006|08:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Tired... |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sleep Like A Child - Joss Stone |
] |
I have never done this before, but I'm up for it right now:
| You scored as metal.
metal | | 90% | Emo | | 65% | Pop Punk | | 50% | Indie | | 50% | mainstream rock | | 40% | Punk | | 40% | classic rock | | 40% | grunge | | 30% | industrial | | 20% | rap | | 15% | country | | 5% | Pop | | 0% | reggae | | 0% | ska | | 0% | </td>
what breed of music are you?
created with QuizFarm.com |
This makes me proud of my music collection. *nods*
And since I have no religion at all...:
 | You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.
Satanism | | 100% | Buddhism | | 83% | atheism | | 63% | agnosticism | | 50% | Paganism | | 42% | Judaism | | 42% | Hinduism | | 38% | Islam | | 25% | Christianity | | 13% | </td>
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com |
Yaaaaay. o.o
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| .....I don't know |
[02 Jan 2006|06:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
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Random O.o |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Another Side - Deep Dive {Kingdom Hearts} |
] |
I think my Journal died for a veeeery loooong time. Not like anyone cares though, so whatever. The holidays went very well, once again... I don't care. For Christmas I got Dvd's, Cd's, and an iPod. Super... Yesterday I bought 4 manga books, and a new Marilyn Manson Cd with a Movie Soundtrack. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... It's odd I got addicted to that movie at all, actually. Which is sad... yeah. I even forgot that yesterday was New Years Eve, for fuck's sake. I swear I am getting really slow now adays. I forget things alot easier, as well. I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Well, I guess no one will truly ever know, then.
Mm-hmm, life's just super. Especially considering I had to do a class project OVER my Winter break. Since I can be a super procrastinator, I waited almost 1 and a half weeks out of 2 to actually start on it. Jesus, I hate school. I dread going back in the next 2 days. Also since, about a week afterwards, I start mid-term exams. Super. And I know how I forget things over vacations, no matter how small they are. So I may be royally screwed, or not. I forgot how I did last year, so it all depends. But I have gotten lazier and such, so meh. And I better stop giggling insanely when nothing is funny before I go back to school, or else everyone will think I'm more messed up.
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| Thanksgiving..... |
[26 Nov 2005|11:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Tired/Lazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Imagine me without you - Jaci Velasquez |
] |
Hm... One thing, Thanksgiving a couple of days ago was the same. I always go to my grandmothers house with my parents. We always end up watching football, then eating, then watching movies when the football is over. Thank god I had my Cd Player, too, instead of listening to them talk, too. But one thing I was really happy about, is that my grandparents have a new dog. They said I could have Biji, {the dog} but they know I can't, since where the complex I live doesn't really allow pets. That really sucks. It's a cute, small black dog, it was made for me. It absolutely loved me, but I still can't have it. Ah, oh well.
LULEDITED
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| The talk... |
[07 Nov 2005|05:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
I don't know... |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hikari - Utada Hikaru |
] |
Yes, I didn't update a week ago like I said I was going to. Not like anyone cares. But my parents decided they wanted to talk to me about my feeling. Considering I told my mother it seemed that my father didn't really seem to care what went on at home when he wasn't there. And I actually learned alot from that talk, though. Especially about my father. He said his father didn't really care, either, and didn't show his emotions properly. Just like my father does now. Though as a child, he swore that he wouldn't become like his father, but he did. So that could explain many problems in my life in a matter of second. Which is sort of terrifying, making me wonder how much other did they kept from me, just like that. My mother doesn't really tell me much about her abusive child hood that much, either. Only most stories about her siblings and what they did to her, too.
Now more about my feelings... I also told my mother, too, that it didn't seem no one cared about my feelings. Most likely, anyone outside my house. Even my so called, "friends". You can never really trust people you haven't known for a long time. Anyway, they sat me down at dinner, and started talking about it all. They told me if I was ever angry, that I could let it out. But then I noticed, whenever I get angry, don't they tell me not to raise my voice to them and such? Hm... And instead of writing things out in poetry, which is the only I get my feeling out now, they told me not to do that anymore, either! What the hell, right? I still like poetry, I just don't do it everyday. Only every 3 days, atleast.
Though I couldn't really sum up the whole conversation, that's what it went up to. But I did feel a bit better afterwards. They actually understood something about me. After 3 years of it all, it's really surprising. I'm still distant from everyone, though, the talk didn't change that much...
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| My god... |
[03 Nov 2005|06:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
I don't know how I feel... |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Guilty Concience - Eminem |
] |
I couldn't update after Halloween... my parents wanted to have a talk with me... about my feelings, and I hate talking about that. That's because... I told my mom that they didn't care about how I felt, considering no one else does. She slapped me for that, and said sorry after we had the talk. She found it truly urgent, that she called my dad at worked. He came home pissed. Great, just what I need. I stayed quiet during the whole conversation. Then my mom said, "...I just don't want her to grow up one of those girls who cut themselves..."
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| Halloween... |
[31 Oct 2005|02:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Mischevous/Weird/Happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kimi ga Matte iru kara - Gackt |
] |
Happy Halloween, bitches! Just kidding... I'm happy today, since it Halloween and stuff. I can go out with my friends and do whatever, I think. I don't know, we haven't really planned anything to do, yet. That's why I'm going over there today, around 3:00, and ask Chloe. Then we'll probably go out around 6:00 if we decide to do anything. If not, then I'll just have to pass out candy to the kids. Which is kind of fun, if I do it with my dad, since he's a total nut.
Ooh, and we carved pumpkins two days ago. I did Mr. Death for mine, it looks awesome. I forgot what my dad did, it was something strange, I remember that. Well, I'm going out as a hippy today. I think, alot of bright color and shit... Don't know what else to call it. But it looks funny, considering each peice of clothing has a different design. Ah, well. If no one likes it, they should just fuck off, I don't care what they think anyway! ^_^
Maybe if I go out, I can try and scare the shit out of people. I do it alot to my mom, it's fun.... for me, that is. Not her. I'm not evil or anything, I atleast just want to do something fun. Or else... what's the point of doing Halloween? Yeah, and I'm still mad about this Vampire game online, they banned me from the chat rooms. I was joking around that I broke all the rules, which I didn't, and they banned me. Stupid bastards. And the took away all my gaming point, and blood pints. What kind of shit is that? Did anyone see me break the rules? I don't think so, my god. This just shows you how retarded and brainless moderators can be. Lol, well, that is all. I'll update tomorrow of what happened on Halloween night.
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| My sickness.... |
[23 Oct 2005|04:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Sick/Pain |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Black Hole Sun - Sound Garden |
] |
I think I'm getting better. Considering I could actually get on the computer today and type this. I could't even really get up and walk yesterday. It really was terrible, I've had this for atleast 5 days now. Mostly I only have the flu for 2 days. But I'll still have it tomorrow. Strange, but I think my mother is right. I haven't had it as much as I usually do a year. So it's like it builded up until now and let go. Great... I just wish it would go away. Instead of going to the bathroom every 10 to 20 minutes, I would rather go to school. Which I fear going back to. I'm going to have a shit load of homework waiting for me. I just know it. Hopefully I'll be back there by Tuesday to get it all and done by Thursday. We have no school on Friday since it's Halloween weekend. After that weekend, we have Monday off, too. I love holidays, I get extra days off of that type of stuff.
And I think my dad feels guilty. About getting me sick, that is. He hasn't said really anything to me. Especially since my mom kind of accused him of getting me this way in the first place. Nice, that's a way to make someone feel better. Sure wouldn't make me feel good. Now that makes me think. But I wish I could eat something. I haven't been able to keep down anything. If I eat it, then it seems I go to the bathroom and throw it up. I can't even laugh without it hurting my stomach, which is strange. I do not remember some of these symptoms from past flu's. My mom says I'll be fine, but I doubt it. I have this bad feeling that something more is going to happen. Last time I had a bad feeling, something happened. And what happened was that I got sick, which is right now. Maybe it will get worse...? Hm... Probably, I'll just hope for the best, then.
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| I hate school... |
[20 Oct 2005|09:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Terrible, Aching |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Streamline - System Of A Down |
] |
I swear, I hate going to school. Especially if I miss something. I didn't go to school on Tuesday, then I went on Wednesday. Got to catch up on my homework. But I hate this terrible pain in my stomach all day, I didn't really have strength to walk. And I hate a bad headache all day, too. In choir, I couldn't stand, and had to sit down. But the teacher was mad at about 3 students for sitting. I was one of them. Then I was holding my head, because of the headache. Teacher asked if I was alright, and I told her I was. How stupid... So I went home, telling my mom about what a shitty day I had. She then told me my father probably brought home the flu, condsidering he had some symptoms of it the other day.
Oh, what fucking joy. Now I'm at home again. Still feeling sick, not as bad as yesterday, though. I haven't eaten in 26+ hours, since it hurts after I eat the smallest things. So I just have been drinking water, anything else upsets my stomach. I don't know why, but it must be a side affect of the flu. I mostly don't eat much, anyway. So it's not a big deal. Great, now I have more work to make up at school. Math homework is what I hate. Because I'm in Accelerated Math, which I didn't want to be in the first place. I'm not that smart, I just did what I was supposed to do, and happened to pass with good grades.
Hopefully, I'll be better by tomorrow. I do not want to miss anymore school. I can't wait to be home-schooled. My parents said I probably could if I was lucky. Especially now, since the fucking school changed our whole scheduels a while back. And that pissed off alot of people, I wish we could have protested, or atleast shoot the principle. Oh yeah, that probably would have brought a smile to my face. She even came into our classroom to break the bad news. Saying it would be okay, that it wasn't a big deal. The new teachers we would get would be nice. Hell no. My new teachers are old and crabby, only one of them is young. Yet, still too stiff in my opinion.
Now I'm rambling on and on about my problems. I hate doing that, so I'll just stop now. And I also believe this is the longest post I have done for a while. Oh, well. I don't care.
|
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| Aches.... |
[16 Oct 2005|01:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ego Brain - System Of A Down |
] |
Uh, I'm so tired. Since my body still aches from P.E. Having us doing yoga, and it's hard. Especially since I'm not truly flexible in some areas. Oh, yes. I believe my weekend was okay, I decorated the porch with my dad for Halloween. Looks better than it usually does. And my hair is now black-ish, instead of brown. Had it dyed last night, I like it better this color.
You see my pain is real,
Watch my world dissolve,
And pretend that none of us see the fall,
As I turn to sand,
You took me by the hand,
And declared, that love prevails over all.
Ego Brain- System Of A Down
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xdeep_sorrowx's journal